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12 August 2007


President's Blunders

I watched a documentary on TV dealing with the blunders of the Finnish ex-president, Urho Kaleva Kekkonen (U.K.K). It was a well-known fact that the later years of his presidency were overshadowed by his frequent public stumblings. This was only natural due to his old age, but the documentary asserted that U.K.K had fumbled as early as 1950s. The basic claim of the documentary was that U.K.K made clumsy mistakes throughout his political career.

I followed the program with interest. Black and white film showed footage from 40 years ago, but I noticed that the alleged blunders were not to be seen. The documentary only painted a picture of the times when the blunders had supposedly taken place. Not a one single blunder was specified.

Instead, the program showed old material from the Helsinki-Vantaa airport. A distinguished delegation from the Soviet Politbyro was about to land. They flew with a Russian propeller plane that resembled a DC-3. The landing mechanism was typical of the Soviet Union of that era: old-fashioned and unpractical. The landing gears did not have wheels; the system was built as if it was meant for railway tracks. Therefore, the pilot could not land on the runway. Instead, he had to aim to the tracks that ran alongside the landing area. This required great precision, and mistakes were frequent, so the Soviet planes of that era were notoriously dangerous. Accidents happened almost every month. Further, once landed, it was impossible to turn the plane, as the tracks dictated the direction.

In my mind I laughed at the curiosities of the Soviet system but, despite the dangerous landing mechanism, the pilot managed to hit the tracks. The plane rolled along the tracks towards the other end of the field.

The speed was too fast, however. The plane reached the end of the tracks before it was fully stopped. The front of the plane slid out of the tracks on top of a big hole, so that the plane was about to split due to its own weight.

As the plane was thus dangerously positioned, I noticed to my great surprise that at the front of the plane sat Elizabeth II, the Queen of England. A group of people rushed to her aid, trying to get Her Majesty out of the airplane before the front would fall into the pit. But the Queen had so much dignity that she refused to leave the plane at this great moment of danger. "The destiny of this plane is my destiny", she proclaimed. "If the plane crashes, so shall I." Apparently it didn't seem distinguished enough if she now exited the plane when a great deal of determination and courage was required.

Luckily they managed to summon a talk-show hostess, Maarit Tastula, who had experience of revealing the secret corners of the human psyche. She talked with Elizabeth until she burst into tears. Maarit promised to console the Majesty even further, if she only walked out of the plane. In this manner the curiously dangerous situation was solved.